Valentines Day Massacre INDEED...

So the name of this post will make sense in a second. First im gonna enthrall you with mush and goo and unicorns.

Reason number 39028402042983782 why John is the best? My Valentines day.

In two weeks we are going to Foxwoods for a weekend and he has scheduled a complete day at the spa....as if that is not enough to make any girl stroke out and die he also sent me not 1...but 2 dozen red roses yesterday. For real.

Dad's reaction: "well now i feel like a cheapskate"

John makes every guy look bad. For that i am not sorry. BAHAHA!

So back to the massacre....

Now since v-day tends to bring out a hoopla of crazies to every resturant that doesnt give you a toy with your meal, we decided to order out and slop around the apartment all night. Which was not only ok with me, i was excited all day for it.

We thought of cooking but then decided that cooking involved moving and effort and that just wasnt in either of our valentines day agendas. We instead let Cheesecake Factory make us dinner for take out.

After stuffing our faces and watching The Break Up, of all movies to watch on Valentines Day...we began playing Wii sports.

Massacre.

John kicked my ass in every sport except golf...

It got competetive and there was mudslinging.

At one point John uttered the phrase "thats just how i do"

John wiped the fuckin' floor with me in Baseball, Bowling and Tennis. It was ugly.

I tried about 15 times to get past my volley record in tennis of 6 volleys in a row to no avail.

After the Alaina's dignity massacre....us lovebirds decided to watch 30 Days of Night. For those of you who dont know... ill share with you the blurby blurb for this flick.

This is the story of an isolated Alaskan town that is plunged into darkness for a month each year when the sun sinks below the horizon. As the last rays of light fade, the town is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires bent on an uninterrupted orgy of destruction. Only the small town's husband-and-wife Sheriff team stand between the survivors and certain destruction.

I especially love the "uninterrupted orgy of destruction". It paints a sweet picture.

The Break up, NBA all star game, Wii Sports tourney of death, then movie that involved vampires bent on an uninterrupted orgy of destruction?

All in all...it was possibly the best valentines yet.

I realize this is old news but im fascinated by it...

The guy whos in the Wrigley's doublemint gum commercial beat up the "umbrella ella ella" girl??!

My 12 year old neice is poppin' and lockin' to Chris Brown and hes a woman beater? Thats awesome.

And really...who beats up Rihanna and thinks that nobody is gonna notice? Oh she's only the most recognizable and loved pop princess of the last two years, but dont worry Chris Beatdown, no one will see that black eye...you're good G.

On a sidenote i was trying to explain who Chris Brown is to John last night. Because at 26 he is old and out of the hipster loop. So i tried to sing one of his popular dittys to him. I mumbled a tune then blurted out "mena na na na RUN IT RUN IT"

His response was "No i dont know that song and stop that now. Dont ever do that again"

I tried....but if it isnt sports, Howard Stern or exotic beer he doesnt want to hear about it.

ANYWAYS

Im like blown away that Chris Beatdown is that stupid... i mean, the guy beat her ass then LEFT her alone on the street. Was he sitting in his limo like "Yeeeeah Chris...she asked for that shit, and im sure America will agree. You're career will flourish...you're the victim of Rihanna"

Im super excited to see his career go up in flames. The gum commercial is pulled apparently...and since thats the only thing i knew him from then i guess my life is not impacted that much. Well the world continues to turn!

Cheers!

P.s...has anyone seen the commercial for Dennys or IHOP or some breakfast place that begins with a banana on top of a pancake singing "you can call me nannerpuss nannerpuss and i love pancakes!"....because it just had me laughing for like 10 minutes straight.

Adrenaline crash.

Sudden heart palpatations?

The shakes?

Red burning face?

Check. Check. Check.

Public speaking is not my forte.

Impromptu speech in Speech class tonight after a 3 hour Urban Government and Politics class.

I honestly would have been better off if someone threw a wolverine at me.

A wolverine on fire.

A pissed off wolverine on fire.

Although i suppose if you lit a wolverine on fire then he would likely be pissed...

You get my point.

I hate myself for taking Speech as a "challenge" to myself. Since when am i so cavalier huh? I dont know why i feel the need to make goals and actually set out to do them.

I hate myself even more for beginning my impromptu speech by feeling the heat rush to my cheeks and as a result legit squeeked "hi" at the class.

But i suppose its just the anticipation that makes me the most crazy. Actually speaking isnt so bad....compared to flaming wolverines i could say its a little better.

Yeah. Adrenaline rush over. Now im exhausted.

Goodnight.

I figured its about time i get my own blog....

Ive done the myspace and facebook rants before but i felt it was time to dedicate my crazy rants to a space of their own. Where they can run free and graze with the other rants.

So ill just get right to it.

I hate Ex-Girlfriends.

Lets rephrase that.

I hate my boyfriend's Ex-Girlfriends.

Because lets face it, i myself am an Ex-girlfriend. And im sure i havent been the most precious of the breed but i definatly know when its quitting time. Time to close up shop and move to another zip code if ya know what im sayin'.

My boyfriend's ex has proven to be not only entertaining, but also kind of like my own independent psychology project. I mean it purely by some stroke of amazing dumb luck that i still get to enjoy her craziness 3 years later.

So im gonna come up with a name for her. Hm....something that reminds me of her but isnt her name....letsss call herrr......Mosquito. Annoying, Ugly, Devoid of purpose, Not liked by anyone, Kinda crazy because lets face it they are suckin blood outta just anyone....yeah i believe Mosquito fits this "woman" quite nicely.

Now my boyfriend dumped Mosquito like 3 years ago...

Sidenote.

How offensive is the word "dumped"?? I mean dont get me wrong i use it and i have indeed "dumped" a human being. But it always presents an unfortunate image of someone being put into a trash truck after sitting on your curb all night in a barrel with the leftover 8 day old rancid chinese food you scraped outta the refrigerator. I dunno. Thats just me...

Onward.

So my boyfriend dumped Mosquito 3 years ago and began dating the lovely human attached to the hands typing this. Bravo boyfriend! In chess we would call that a checkmate. In the game of life we would call him a winner.

So Mosquito got upset and decided that the best way to go about this tragic event would be to recruit her fellow insects and get their crazy on. They called and texted boyfriend constantly calling him "douchebag" and cursing our relationship.

Quick dictionary shoutout

Maturity- The state or quality of being fully grown or developed. The state or quality of being mature.

Just sayin.

So that whole thing was funny in the beginning of our relationship. Because who doesnt love a good crazy lady? Courtney Love? Hilarious? Lindsey lohan? Im in stitches. Please, it was our entertainment for the first couple of months. We began a betting pool ....you know..."how many times will she say 'i dont care that you are with her' this time???" The gambler in me was thrilled!

All went quiet for a bit then she started up again. And she started calling when me and my boyfriend would get into fights. Which means she creeped the hell outta his facebook and myspace looking for any sign of a bad day, and damnit she was on that phone and texting and calling again. This time with things like "HAHAHAHAHAHAH" and "What goes around comes around!"

That was still funny.

He'd blow a tire on his car and she was telling him it was karma. Hell yeah Buddah.

But three years later we bring us to the past couple of weeks. He has received the same calls and texts as the beginning. "I hope you two are WONDERFUL together" was one of my favorites. And they seem to keep the "douchebag" theme alive which i love because i enjoy consistency in my crazies.

Now this is all well and fine. I mean its not really funny anymore. Its more scary then anything. 3 years later? Really?

Women are brutal sometimes. Some much worse than others. No wonder we are portrayed as psycho. Its quite embarrassing for us ex girlfriends that just ripped up a few pictures and peaced out.

And you'd think that in three years Mosquito would have moved on. I mean i cant even remember what the hell i was doing three years ago. Much less hold a grudge against a guy who dumped me three years ago. (theres that word again.)

I feel a fatal attraction coming on.

Thankfully we dont have a rabbit.