I figured its about time i get my own blog....

Ive done the myspace and facebook rants before but i felt it was time to dedicate my crazy rants to a space of their own. Where they can run free and graze with the other rants.

So ill just get right to it.

I hate Ex-Girlfriends.

Lets rephrase that.

I hate my boyfriend's Ex-Girlfriends.

Because lets face it, i myself am an Ex-girlfriend. And im sure i havent been the most precious of the breed but i definatly know when its quitting time. Time to close up shop and move to another zip code if ya know what im sayin'.

My boyfriend's ex has proven to be not only entertaining, but also kind of like my own independent psychology project. I mean it purely by some stroke of amazing dumb luck that i still get to enjoy her craziness 3 years later.

So im gonna come up with a name for her. Hm....something that reminds me of her but isnt her name....letsss call herrr......Mosquito. Annoying, Ugly, Devoid of purpose, Not liked by anyone, Kinda crazy because lets face it they are suckin blood outta just anyone....yeah i believe Mosquito fits this "woman" quite nicely.

Now my boyfriend dumped Mosquito like 3 years ago...

Sidenote.

How offensive is the word "dumped"?? I mean dont get me wrong i use it and i have indeed "dumped" a human being. But it always presents an unfortunate image of someone being put into a trash truck after sitting on your curb all night in a barrel with the leftover 8 day old rancid chinese food you scraped outta the refrigerator. I dunno. Thats just me...

Onward.

So my boyfriend dumped Mosquito 3 years ago and began dating the lovely human attached to the hands typing this. Bravo boyfriend! In chess we would call that a checkmate. In the game of life we would call him a winner.

So Mosquito got upset and decided that the best way to go about this tragic event would be to recruit her fellow insects and get their crazy on. They called and texted boyfriend constantly calling him "douchebag" and cursing our relationship.

Quick dictionary shoutout

Maturity- The state or quality of being fully grown or developed. The state or quality of being mature.

Just sayin.

So that whole thing was funny in the beginning of our relationship. Because who doesnt love a good crazy lady? Courtney Love? Hilarious? Lindsey lohan? Im in stitches. Please, it was our entertainment for the first couple of months. We began a betting pool ....you know..."how many times will she say 'i dont care that you are with her' this time???" The gambler in me was thrilled!

All went quiet for a bit then she started up again. And she started calling when me and my boyfriend would get into fights. Which means she creeped the hell outta his facebook and myspace looking for any sign of a bad day, and damnit she was on that phone and texting and calling again. This time with things like "HAHAHAHAHAHAH" and "What goes around comes around!"

That was still funny.

He'd blow a tire on his car and she was telling him it was karma. Hell yeah Buddah.

But three years later we bring us to the past couple of weeks. He has received the same calls and texts as the beginning. "I hope you two are WONDERFUL together" was one of my favorites. And they seem to keep the "douchebag" theme alive which i love because i enjoy consistency in my crazies.

Now this is all well and fine. I mean its not really funny anymore. Its more scary then anything. 3 years later? Really?

Women are brutal sometimes. Some much worse than others. No wonder we are portrayed as psycho. Its quite embarrassing for us ex girlfriends that just ripped up a few pictures and peaced out.

And you'd think that in three years Mosquito would have moved on. I mean i cant even remember what the hell i was doing three years ago. Much less hold a grudge against a guy who dumped me three years ago. (theres that word again.)

I feel a fatal attraction coming on.

Thankfully we dont have a rabbit.